Christmas Number 1 2010...

It has been a long time since I last blogged - I'm sure you coped.

One of my friends, though perhaps the following will put question to that label, recently brought my attention to something that is currently becoming viral; namely, 3 minutes and 50 seconds of pure 'genius' provided courtesy of a certain Maxine Swaby. Written by Patrick McNeill, "Pardon Me" is a song and music video that will change your life - if for no other reason than you will find yourself whistling it almost every time there is nothing else to do - and even sometimes when there is...

This comes with what may seem an attempted comedic warning. However, let me assure you, this is gravely serious. Please, only listen to this if you think you can cope. Furthermore, I hereby take absolutely no responsibility for this decision of yours. If you click, be it on your head - please do not hate me for it. Okay...



And for those of you who are reading this on facebook, or whatever, where the embedded video may not work, here is the link: Pardon Me

Now, where can we possibly begin? Cruelty is certainly an option, but I think a terribly cheap one. However, neither is a sensible critique or review an option - that would cost too much... Should I mention that it looks like she went into a hairdressers and asked for "everything"? I won't, as that is unnecessarily cruel. I also, shouldn't spend too much time questioning the directing techniques, or the sudden appearance of deer at the end. Instead I'm going to invoke "Poe's Law".

Poe's Law points out that it is hard to tell parodies of fundamentalism (or, more generally, any crackpot theory) from the real thing, since they both seem equally insane. Conversely, real fundamentalism can easily be mistaken for a parody of fundamentalism. Of course, Pardon Me hardly falls under the label of fundamentalism, nor a crackpot theory. Yet, I think the law still applies. There are so many poor, and downright bizarre things that can be found on the internet, that I find it plausible (even hopeful!!) that this is some sort of parody. I know deep inside (however impossible that actually is) that Pardon Me is as genuine as they come. And I am reminded of that every 20 minutes when I find myself humming it through. Again. Someone help me for goodness sake.

I suppose, the point of this little rant is that people are weird. I don't understand people. However, it is that strangeness that gives me some little bit of hope. That actually, I'm quite normal - because I'm weird. To misquote The Incredibles "If everyone is weird, then no-one is." The potential for anarchy is terrifyingly wonderful, however. To truly get one over on the X-Factor crowd, this should be campaigned for a Christmas number 1... besides, it seems fitting that a follow up to "F### you I won't do what you tell me" should be, "Pardon Me".

This video is really getting viral now (in every meaning of the word). I've just been made aware of many "Re:Pardon Me" videos (even a Re:Re:Re:Pardon Me...). It's generating a fair amount of talk too. One person asking, and seemingly not seeing the ironic side of his suggestion, that due to her pronunciation of certain words, she may be deaf. Yes. Well done. A deaf person singing a song called "Pardon Me"... the weirdness continues...

Storms

It is quite often that life gets compared to the weather. One can feel "bright and sunny" or feel like "there is a dark cloud over-head". It is interesting that we choose such a system to portray our feelings as we have no real control over the weather. Do we view our emotions in the same light? Are we right to do so? I don't really know.

Personally, to use this method of description, I feel that in my life at present it is persisting down (see what I did there..!). I feel quite drenched (and I don't mean that in a jargony, sentimental Christian kind of way!). If there is anyone actually reading this I would appreciate a prayer or two.

Thanks.

Guide to joining a new church...

Ten Most Important Steps

1. Understand the principles
   Remember, joining a church is primarily about what is best for you. The good news is that many churches now see themselves as glorified businesses. This is wonderful news for the "consumer" because "the customer is always right". If you are unable to find a church (Ltd) that completely caters for all of your needs, then find one where you can be vocally belligerent, in the hope that the church (Ltd) will alter its produce and services.
2. Find the "power families"
   Once you have chosen the right church that will service your needs, the next step is to seek out the people/families in the church who are part of the "inner-circle". These are usually rich, well educated members of the church. This 'inner circle' have quite a powerful influence over the church. Only sometimes are they 'elders' or 'deacons', though the best description is probably 'majority shareholders'. Admittedly, it can be difficult to be accepted into this group if you are not rich and/or educated. However, perseverance is a virtue.
3. Do not aspire to a Leadership position
   It is important to follow this rule. In churches (Ltd) most forms of official leadership (we shall call them 'management') are fodder for all manner of public criticism. It is far easier to remain a customer, and demand to "see the manager" when you want to influence the direction of the company. Ensure the management do not make the same "mistake" twice.
4. Get to middle-age as quick as possible
   This is a fundamental part of joining a church. It may seem as though the church (Ltd) directs most of its efforts toward "youth" and the "elderly". However, this is usually because it pacifies them on business matters, leaving the 'inner-circle' to get on with directing the company. Middle-agers will benefit most from many church companies.

5. Choose a house-group wisely
   This decision could potentially decide how influential you will be in the church that you join. It is absolutely imperative that you join the house-group of one of the 'inner-circle', for numerous reasons. Firstly, they will probably have a nice, big comfortable house. Secondly, it is in this house group that most business decisions will be made. The church management shall be informed in due course.
6. Learn the jargon particular to your new church
   For effective communication, and to look like you mean business, make sure you use buzz-words often. Naturally, each company has different jargon, and moving from one organisation to another can mean learning almost a new language. Where words such as 'river', 'presence' and 'flow' may be popular jargon in one branch, these can be replaced by 'fire', 'journey' and 'conversation'.
7. Practise your "mmm"
   "Mmms" are an extension of jargon language. It is the sound of approval, vital for showing allegiance to influential people. When trying to show particular agreement, a "double-mmm" can be employed. You should never do more than a "triple-mmm" - people will think you've gone insane.
8. Learn golf
   A very effective way of socialising with others in your new organisation is to play golf. Being good (but not too good) at golf will result in many invites to more personal social events. This does work better for male customers, though it certainly does not exclude females.
9. Buy a Cafetiere
   Coffee is the drink of church. Even if you prefer tea, it is wise to learn to stomach coffee. Furthermore, you can fulfil your charitable duties by buying fairtrade coffee. After this, there is no real need to do much else charitable. Charity is expensive, and hard work, and therefore it is useful to find short-cuts.
10. Do not commit
    This is the golden rule. Do not commit to your new organisation. This does not mean you should up and leave at the first disagreement. However, always remember that if the management and 'inner-circle' consistently fail to meet your personal needs, it is time to swallow your pride, and admit you may have chosen the wrong church. Be encouraged though, there are plenty more fish in the sea.

(Please note that this is satire. I actually think the Church is a wonderful institute. God loves, and lives in the Church. I hope, though, this article makes you think or at least makes you chuckle.)

God bless

Love will find a way?

Love

On the recent Delirious? DVD (My Soul Sings) of live tracks, there is a version of their top 20 song "Love Will Find a Way". The song portrays a blend of emotions, moving from utter repugnance at the attitude most of us have toward poverty, to the overwhelming sense of hope that love brings - that, little by little, love is breaking through people's indifference. In fact, it is breaking people. Bringing people face to face with the problems in this world, yet encouraging them that they can make a difference.

Chaos

However, the world is still in a terrible mess. The chaos we find ourselves in is seemingly cataclysmic: MPs claim for multiple properties, while millions sleep on the streets. People are dying from obesity, while millions die of starvation. World leaders pay billions to send probes to Mars (to send back more pictures of nothing), while a beggar is £5 short of eating today. Of course, what the world needs is another picture of a desert on a planet which is 266 million miles away...

In the creation poem of Genesis, there is an odd Hebrew phrase - תהו ובהו (tohu vavohu) - usually translated formless and void. However, it can give the impression of very chaotic - where תהו means chaos and ובהו means empty. If there is one thing that typifies the world today, surely it must be "tohu vavohu". We are in chaos. We are "empty". The emptiness is filled with material things that pull our attention from the real problems we can help to solve. After all, another private jet for [unnamed evangelist] is what the poor really need. Furthermore, if I contribute to that, I am giving to the Lord, aren't I?

Shat-nav

Pondering the Delirious lyric, I wonder what "way" love will find. Will it lead us into a river, like an early 21st century Sat-Nav? Will it spend most of the journey "searching for a satellite"? I have spent a lot of time reading great books, and hearing great songs that inspire me to make a difference - yet here I am, sat at my computer having done very little; still reading. Still hearing. When will we wake up? Love, show us the way. Press into our faces the issues that we have the resources to solve. Do not let us drown you out with worry over maintaining our riches, or affording the best cut of meat.

The Bible says that God is love. So I have confidence in the Delirious? lyrics that "love" will find a way. He always does.

Love Will Find a Way

The Promise I Made...

...started to fade.

Girls Aloud, The Promise, 2008.

Introduction

This is the first of a few blogs I intend to write concerning the modern understanding of certain words and phrases, and the theological and philosophical consequences.

Giving Birth to Promises

So, back to Girls Aloud. Their recent song, The Promise in which the singer(s) states that the "the promise I made started to fade" is one of their most successful tracks, earning them a UK Singles Chart number 1, and their only BRIT award™ to date for Best British Single of 2008. It is at this point that I feel I must ensure you that I am not a Girls Aloud fanatic. Honestly. All of this information is provided courtesy of wikipedia (I'm such a good researcher... ahem...).

So, what's my point? Well, could it be that this song gives an insight into how people view a promise in contemporary society? Listening to the way people speak, I think it does. The notion that a promise can "fade" (or at least start to!) is interesting. I'm not sure it is right though. It seems as though people seem to think that a promise is something that one brings into being, and it exists as a thing in its own right.

For example, if I promise something, I am unleashing this thing, this promise, into the world to see how it will do. If it does well, if it survives then that is great. If however, it doesn't do so well, one day it will eventually run out of breath and die - the promise is mourned, and we all move on with our lives, not necessarily unaffected, but move on we do.

Further to this, if a promise is a thing in its own right, if it somehow exists independently of the one who "made" it, then should what the promise stand for suddenly be in opposition to the best wishes of its creator, it will be destroyed in the pursuit of happiness and comfort. After all, of the two of us (i.e. me and the promise) I am more important.

This, of course, is a very strange way to view a promise - because "promises" don't actually exist. You can't cage one, study one, reason with one, trade them (though people may try!) - essentially a "promise" has to be, at most, two things: Firstly, it an English word. Secondly, it is what the English word describes. What it describes is a commitment on behalf of the one who has "made" the promise to do (or not do) something in the future. So you see, a promise cannot exist independently of anyone because it isn't a real thing to exist! A promise is a commitment to something, once that commitment is no longer there, neither is the "promise" - and if there was no commitment in the first place, then the "promise" was a mere figment.

Perhaps this misunderstanding has arisen because the language that we use concerning promises. We speak of "making" a promise, as if a promise is something that can be created. The truth is when someone "makes" a promise, they are not really making anything at all. A promise is simply a verbal indication that one is committing to something (either action or restraint).

Theological and Philosophical Consequences

I have to ask, then, what impact does this skewed view of a promise have on theology and the way we think of life in general. I think it has HUGE consequences. When a couple decide to marry and "promise" before God and to each other that they will remain together, and fight against all difficulties to this end; if this promise is understood as anything but a commitment to this course of action, it is in grave danger of failing. Of course, marriages break down for all kinds of legitimate reasons - however, if from the very outset there is a grave misunderstanding of what a promise is, and the implications it has on the people "making" it, the success of the marriage is based completely on chance. This is not what God intended.

Furthermore, understanding the promise of God for eternal salvation as a commitment on God's behalf to that end, it becomes far more secure. Also, how many times do we "promise to do [x, y or z] for you, Lord" in a time of emotional encounter with God? Do we really mean what we are saying? Rather, do we even understand what we are saying?! "Lord, I am absolutely committing to do [x, y, or z] for You" - that seems quite different to the sappy "promises" many of us make to our God - where we simply wait to see how it all plays out..

We make our promises "willy-nilly" these days, because we have forgotten what a promise really is. I am sure we would make far fewer if we realised what it really meant.

---

Of course, feel free to completely disagree with me. I promise I won't it against you. :)

Dream

I feel I need to journal my dream from last night and share a few thoughts at the end.
--------------------------
Dream:

I was fed up of having a bloated feeling in my stomach, so I had some tests done at the hospital. Thought nothing of them and carried on with life in general. When the results came back, the news was very bad. There was a complication and it turned out I was going to die from whatever the problem was (they did say what, but I didn't really hear in my dream).

As it turned out (in the world of dreams) the hospital were going to perform euthanasia. This was all going to have to happen on a very short time-scale. I think the day was possibly a Tuesday and my funeral was arranged for 2:30pm on the Saturday. So I was to go into the hospital Saturday morning to receive this euthanasia.

The next thing I knew it was Friday evening, I was at my parents' house with Hannah and we were sat around in the front room chatting and drinking tea etc. I had been absolutely fine with the fact that I was about to die. I think I just accepted that it was going to happen and there was nothing I could do about it. My mom had taken it quite badly, and so had Hannah, I think. Dad was keeping his emotions hidden, though I think I understood that he was upset.

I was even joking about the eventuality. I can't remember exactly what happened, but I remember my response was,

"Ah well, it doesn't matter. I'll be dead by then anyway." Everyone looked at me in disgust, to which I had to reply, "Well, it's true".

This seemed to be enough. I think I received a raised eyebrow from Hannah, but that was the extent of the criticism of my words - after all, they WERE true.

Suddenly it hit me. Like a train. I was going to die tomorrow and there was nothing I could do about it. This was crazy! I felt fine, there was no way I could possibly be dying tomorrow. I began to panic and started asking why I had to die. Couldn't we just wait and see if this problem I had would kill me or not? Or surely we could at least wait a little longer before going through with this course of action. Wait until I'm in pain at least?!

I think we phoned the hospital to find out, and they're answer was no, it had to be done tomorrow. The problem I had was inevitably going to kill me, and very soon. When it happened it would be accompanied by severe pain and would completely incapacitate me. They asked whether or not I wanted the last hours of my life to be spent like that, or like I am now (for some reason, I agreed that euthanasia was the best course of action).

It was an extremely strange feeling. I have never been faced with death before (and still haven't really; it was only a dream - but I have never had such a "real" dream). Being a Christian I believed that this was not the end, however I was still a little unsure of how I felt. Whatever happened afterwards, this would be the end of this life. Full stop. Over. Never to come back to it. Leave every single aspect of it behind.

For some reason, I asked Dad to take me out for a drive. We would go to the train station and book the tickets for tomorrow (we were taking the train to the hospital...). By this point it was night. On the way there, I started to come to terms with the gravity of what was happening. My dad asked, "So are you not so sure about it now then?" (speaking of my belief in God and an afterlife). I informed him that I wasn't really concerned with what was going to happen after I died, but what wasn't going to happen.

I burst into tears as I said, "I'll never get to hold my son in my arms. Or take him over Barrel Rock." (Barrel Rock is a place in Bude, Cornwall where we go on holiday. I am quite looking forward to taking my kids there!) I think the Barrel Rock comment was specifying a more general concept of sharing experiences with a son.

At this my dad also cried. Doing those things had meant a lot to him, and he understood how horrible it would be to never get the chance to do them. We pulled up outside Rowley Regis train station. Dad said to me, "you'll still go there" (meaning Barrel Rock). I'm not really sure what that meant! I think it was my dad not quite understanding the theology of the afterlife, and assuming I believed I would be some sort of ghost or spirit able to still go places on the earth. I got the impression that he didn't actually believe what he was saying, he was just trying to make me feel better.

-----------------------------

Then I woke up. Feeling extremely... uncomfortable. I wasn't quite awake enough to realise I had been dreaming, so I still felt that stomach turning dread of imminent death. It was truly horrible.

Throughout my dream I had been both looking forward to seeing what happens and being absolutely petrified at the thought of leaving everything I had behind, especially Hannah and the chance of having any kind of family with her. I had resolved in my dream to let her know that I wanted her to move on and that she should never feel bad about finding someone else - it's what I would want (etc. etc...) though I don't think I ever got chance to - which is possibly a subconscious attempt at admitting I would struggle with that!

Anyway, I don't think I've had a dream that has affected me this much for years and years. Ironically, the only dream that ever did was a recurring dream I had as a child where Mom had a terminal illness. What a morbid mind I appear to have!

The dream, however, has genuinely forced me to rethink my priorities. Life is not guaranteed. Life insurance only pays out money - not more life. I shall resolve to give this life the respect and attention it deserves. Not just for myself, but for all people. Thinking of the horrific events in Gaza recently, it is such a horrible thought that life has ended for so many of those people. How cheaply life is viewed. Not just by those killing others, but by we who hear the stories and think, "oh, that's a shame." It is far more than a shame. Life is such an amazing thing, and our crime is that we don't really realise.

Honour and privilege

Well, it's 03:32 and I am yet again unable to sleep due to horrific back pain. I shall go and see how the doctor is doing soon. However, my problems have been put into perspective with the very sad news of hearing that a good friend passed away on Thursday morning.

I suppose I am using this blog as a bit of an outlet regarding the whole situation, so please forgive the almost inevitable lack of cohesive writing that will follow.

Rosaleen was a wonderful and much loved member of the church I attend, and although I have not had chance to gauge the reaction of the church to her passing, I assume it was fairly similar across the board to my wife's: speechlessness and tears. Having been on holiday, we only found out yesterday when we returned; and the sudden nature of it all seems a little overwhelming.

I wish to respect her dignity (as well as her husband's) by not going into any real details of what happened. The point of this blog is to reflect theologically on the situations that life (or should I say God?) throws my way. So, in that light, let me briefly mention what I have been thinking.

During our holiday in Cornwall (specifically, Bude - lovely place) me and my wife wrote a song together for the first time. (I shall be leading worship at a church's conference in a few weeks and I usually try to write a couple of songs for that.) Anyway, the theme of the week, and that of the song, is the Power of the Resurrection. So, having brushed up on 1 Corinthians 15 we set to work on writing the song. The main idea was that since Christ has risen from the dead already, and therefore death has been defeated, we really have no fear in death. All in all we were quite happy with it.

So - we really have no fear in death. So why are we generally so afraid of it? I am sure that I have met few people who are genuinely not fearful of death. Sometimes I try to qualify and relativise my fear of death by stating that it is not death itself that I fear, but what will happen to those I will leave behind - as if God is perfectly capable of dealing with my passing away, but not necessarily capable of looking after those still alive (this kind of links with my thoughts that it is easier to die for Jesus than to live for Him - but that's for another time perhaps).

Rosaleen spent many years living a radical life for Jesus. She was such a great person to know, and just as great to have on board with anything the church was doing: usually the first to be bold enough to disagree with a decision and throw the proverbial, but always necessary, spanner in the works! Yet always so warm and gentle to provide the greatest of encouragement. She will be sorely missed.

The story doesn't end there though, and it really doesn't. Rosaleen has finally met her Lord. The lifetime goal of every Christian, and she is now living in it. The theology of the afterlife is a fun, but complicated study - which I shall certainly not go into here - however, whether Rosaleen is with Christ right now or not (my understanding is that she is), she will certainly be raised on the day Jesus returns, she will be made like Him, and inherit her place in the New Heaven and the New Earth. Tom Wright's book Surprised by Hope speaks of the afterlife happening in stages (kind of) and death is merely a level of this. Of course, my theology here could be wrong - like I said, the afterlife is a strange but wonderful study - but what I am absolutely certain about is that Rosaleen is in the hands of the God who is powerful beyond limit, and loving beyond comprehension; and so is her husband; and so are we.

It was an honour and a privilege to have shared a place in space and time with such a great person.

New Life

I've recently been reading The Irresistible Revolution by Shane Claiborne. Although seeming slightly idealistic in places (though, that is hardly a crime) it is certainly a book that left me different after reading it. For quite a time now I've felt that the Church is missing the point somewhat. In a world of obvious problems, we offer very few solutions. Yet we are said to be following this Jewish revolutionary in the first century who preached a message (and lived a life) of ministry to the broken, the poor and the needy.

However, we seem to have turned the hard, seismic words of 'Jesus the radical' into a self-help guide to living a good life by 'the Buddy-Christ'. That, for me, just doesn't quite cut it. Relatively little time and effort is spent on feeding the poor/clothing the naked/taking in the strangers. Perhaps we give a little to charity? Rely on other organisations to do our "charitable" work...

Jesus came to bring in a new way. A different way of life. Indeed we acknowledge this when we talk of having new life - the mistake we make is that we interpret this only in light of future "life after death". I want a "new life". In fact I have no choice. Theologically, spiritually, or whatever you prefer to say, I am no longer alive. Paul understood this and could say that "I no longer live, but Christ lives in me" [Galatians 2:20]. My own ambitions no longer should consume me - only the ambitions of God.

Taking that seriously is a daunting thing! But, how else can we take it? Was Jesus pulling our leg when he demanded a different way of life? Was Paul winking while he whimsically announced that he no longer lived...? But my big question is, "What are we doing?"

What are we doing?

Delirious? have recently released a new album called Kingdom of Comfort. It is a very good offering from the d: boys. The first and title track makes a plea that the singer be saved from "the kingdom of comfort where I am king". Which begs the question for you and I - "Am I building a kingdom of comfort or am I building the kingdom of God"? The church should be making a difference in the community it lives in.

The people of God should be getting their hands dirty. In fact they should be getting their arms, legs, backs and faces dirty! Living a different way of life, to bring about a different way of life. This community of people [the church] should be characterised for their difference - their holiness (in the truest sense of the word]. Sharing EVERYTHING they have (OK, not everything - "swinging" is not advised...!) but you get the point. Do we really share everything? Are we the first to respond to the needs of our "neighbour" - who, by the way, is anyone and everyone we meet (cf. the Good Samaritan).

I am trying to push myself into a kingdom of discomfort. Not allowing myself to "relativise" everything, and excuse myself from action. I was talking with someone the other day about the conversation Jesus has with the rich man, where Jesus says that he must sell everything he has and give it to the poor. We were discussing how it is usually interpreted as: we should be willing to give up anything for the sake of Christ. How we shouldn't place anything above our devotion to God... however - Jesus didn't ask the man if he was willing to sell everything; he told him to go and do it. The man couldn't.

I am worried that the church is full of people who believe they are willing but never actually do that much, really - myself a prime culprit. I know the message, the theology, the "ideal"... I thought I was "willing" - but when was the last time I did sell everything and give it to the poor?? When was the last time you did?

But it's just not practical in our day and age is it? It's too uncomfortable. My "kingdom of comfort" would fall...

Hallelujah.